Busing blues

Hallie has taken the bus to and from school for a week now and it’s been a bit of a rough ride for her (and not only from the traffic whizzing by her stop). She’s enjoying life in middle school but complains at how rude and unruly the kids are on the bus. On the bus, these kids play their music loudly when they’re told not to, then pretend not to hear the bus driver. They curse frequently, throw their trash out the window. They’re basically hellions.

This is so foreign to Hallie as she’s mostly ridden her bike to school until now. So today I took her through the carpool. While she still has to take the bus home, at least she doesn’t have to begin her school day in a bad mood.

Thinking about her observations made me shake my head at how some of these kids are being raised. Hallie quite astutely said she knows that some parents can be great parents and their kids still act up, but she has a feeling that the kids on her bus have parents who are just like them: parents who have no respect for others.

I don’t judge people based on how much money they make, what they look like, where they live, or any other external factor. I do divide people based on one thing: how they treat others. You can be filthy rich or dirt poor and still be a self-centered asshole. If you treat others fairly and with respect, it doesn’t matter who you are or where you come from, odds are pretty good that you’ll succeed in life. I consistently remind my kids that the most telling thing about one’s character is how they treat others.

The great thing about this is that learning to respect others is something you can do for yourself. It doesn’t take money. It doesn’t have to be something you’re born with, either, though there is another factor at play here.

I had lunch last week with my friend Ronneil Robinson. He and I have worked together over the last few years on some community-focused initiatives. During our lunch our conversation waded over to what we can do for the kids in our Southeast Raleigh community. Ronneil was lamenting all the time these other foundations and initiatives spend doing their best to instill a sense of self-worth in these kids, only to have them return to their homes where their parents (intentionally or not) reinforce their low sense of self-worth. They could be seeing themselves as doctors during the day and as soon as they return home they’re buried under their parents’ low expectations. Ronneil says we’ve got to fix the home if we’re going to reach these kids. I think he’s on to something.

I’m not a psychologist but I have a hunch that kids who don’t treat others with respect do not feel respect for themselves. How can we boost their feelings of self-worth? How can we get them to see that they matter? Would it help to shut out all the negative stereotyping they’re constantly bombarded with? The mind-rotting television images showing them a slanted, limited world? Or will it take more than that?

As a volunteer in my kids’ school for years, and as a parent, a neighbor, a coach, and a friend to kids, it really pains me to see these early poor decisions effectively doom these kids for life. It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s not, however, going to be easy, and it’s not going to happen overnight, but half the battle is simply recognizing the problem and determining to do something about it. Perhaps if we get enough people talking we can find ways to work together to turn this unfortunate tide.