I Can’t Watch This

Inspired by my MythTV tinkering…

I Can’t Watch This
Weird Al Yankovic

I can’t watch this. I can’t watch this
I can’t watch this. I can’t watch this

My my my my TV makes me so bored
Makes me say, oh my lord
What is this garbage here?
Wanna cover my eyes and plug my ears
It sucks, and that’s no lie
It’s about as much fun as watching paint dry
Lowers my IQ one notch
And that’s the reason why, uh, I can’t watch

I told you homeboy… I can’t watch this
Yeah, nothin’ but trash and you know…
I can’t watch this
Poke out my eyes, man… I can’t watch this
Yo, gimme that remote control… I can’t watch this

Talkin’ ’bout sick shows
as America’s Funniest Home Videos
I can’t believe my eyes
When I see the kind of stuff that wins first prize
Somebody’s poor old mom
Falls down off the roof, lands right on the lawn
Face first on a rake
I hear they got it on the seventeenth take
That’s funny as a kick in the crotch
And that kind of show, uh, I can’t watch

Yo, I told you… I can’t watch this
Change the channel now, man… I can’t watch this
Yo, pass the TV Guide here, sucker… I can’t watch this

Cosby Show and Rosanne
Think I’ve taken ’bout as much as I can
Judge Wopner, oh my
You gotta be Rainman to like this guy
Thirtysomething is alright
If you like hearing yuppies whining all night
Can’t stand Twin Peaks
Wish they’d lynch those donun-eatin’ freaks
Those Siskel & Ebert bums
Ought to go home and sit on their thumbs

That’s word because you know… I can’t watch this
I can’t watch this
Break it down!

Here’s-how-to-order-money-back-guarantee-removes-tough-stains-fast
-it-tastes-more-like-fresh-peanuts-they-keep-going-and-going-don’t-hate-me
-because-I’m-beautiful-could-be-dandruff-our-prices-are-insane!!!

Stop! Prime Time!
I’m pretty sure I’ll be sick
If I have to watch another stupid pet trick
Or that guy with the real flat hair
That goes “woof woof woof” and waves his fist in the air
Or those weird talk shows
About Transsexual Nazi Eskimos
They’re rude, crude and vile
Just for a minute let’s flip down the dial

Flip, flip, flip… yeccch, I can’t watch this
Look man… I can’t watch this
I can’t take this torture no more, I can’t…
I can’t watch this
Pay the bills, station break
Break it down!

Operators-are-standing-by-cubic-zirconium-necklace-you’re-soaking-in-it
-and-our-fabulous-swimsuit-issue-when-you’ve-got-a-headache-this-big
read-the-book-this-is-your-brain-on-drugs-I’ve-fallen-and-I-can’t-get-up!!

Stop! Cable Time!
HBO and Playboy, Showtime and MTV
I might like ’em more after my lobotomy
Now why did I ever pay for this junk?
I hooked up eighty channels and each one stunk
Just brainless blood and guts, and mindless T & A
It’s awful, it’s putrid, it’s crummy, it’s stupid, gonna throw my set away

I can’t watch this. I can’t watch this
I can’t watch this. Yeah… I can’t watch this
I told you… can’t watch this
Too hip, can’t watch this
Get me outta here… can’t watch this