A Facebook friend (one who does not share my political outlook) forwarded a photo that illustrated the value of spanking. It showed a kid getting beat, with the caption “with more of this, there would be less of this,” showing a trio of young men dressed as gang members. I shook my head.
It reminded me of a spectacle I came across as I was on my way to the Player’s Retreat Saturday afternoon. As I was pulling into the parking lot, a father was loading his kids into his car. The father was shouting at his misbehaving kids to get in the car. His young son, probably four years old at the most, was defiantly yelling back at his dad, echoing his very same tone. As I rolled by, I saw the father’s hand smack the boy’s rear hard before the father loaded his son into the car. I thought the show was over but when I got out of my car I was appalled to hear the father screaming at the top of his voice “that is enough!” He was so loud I heard him across the parking lot even with his windows rolled up. He then drove off and I just shook my head. If his kids weren’t terrified before, they were now.
I wonder if the father could hear the echo of himself in his son’s voice right then. I wonder if he realized that he is teaching his son that violence is a solution. How powerless that young boy must have felt, and how sad that his father could not connect to his kids in a way that engaged them rather than hurt them.
I’m not a perfect father by any stretch but one thing I learned early on is that if I ever raise my voice with my kids, I’ve already lost. If I’m shouting I’m admitting defeat. I’m admitting that I have no cards left to play, that it’s become an I’m-bigger-than-you-are game. I don’t want my kids to grow up thinking that might makes right and that throwing a tantrum is the way to get what you want. This parent was throwing a tantrum just as big as his son’s and he should have been old enough to know better.
It seems to me that the world would be better off if we all worked harder at listening to each other. That’s something that starts at home.