Even Flipper thought this was dumb

The kids watched the very first episode of the dolphin-pet TV show Flipper on NetFlix today. I used to love watching the show as a kid, so I was sorry to see that it didn’t hold up too well 35 years later. At least the first episode didn’t hold up well.

In this episode (called “300 Feet Below”), Ranger Porter Ricks and his son Bud get a distress call from a shark-bitten boater whose boat is 12 miles offshore. For some reason the Coast Guard is of no use so Porter and son decide to rescue him themselves. They pick up the boater’s girlfriend to lead them to the boat.

They soon find the boat and the victim is stabilized through nothing more than the magic of his girlfriend’s hug and Ranger Ricks looking serious. Ricks sends Bud outside with instructions to fire the flare gun when he sees the Coast Guard helicopter approaching.

The helicopter flies up at about 500 feet and is nearly on top of them before Bud shoots his flare. How he doesn’t shoot the chopper pilot in the face is beyond me, as the pilot must be completely blind or a moron not to see the two big boats bobbing just 500 feet below him. I’m guessing the pilot really is a moron as he’s wearing a gold flight helmet that clearly says “Navy” even though he’s flying a Coast Guard helicopter.

Now, though there are medically-trained rescue personnel on the chopper, these crewmembers never descend to the boats below. Also, even though the pilot’s job is to deliver help and should have no problem at all placing supplies on the deck of a rocking boat below him, instead the moron pilot wastes precious time trying to dangle a box labeled “blood plasma” down to a flailing Ricks, who promptly drops it into the sea. The chopper flies home, inexplicably leaving the victim behind and the would-be rescuers to fret.

Now, though the flight time is apparently a hour or more, no one thinks to fire up the boat’s engines and return to shore. Nor does anyone apparently think to call in another drop of blood plasma (this time hopefully steering it well away from the clumsy Ranger Ricks). And, above all, the inept Coast Guard (or is it Navy?) never sees fit to fly back out and transport the victim to the hospital. No, the solution they try is the one offered by Bud, which is to load the family’s beloved pet dolphin Flipper onto the helicopter, fly him out to the boat, and push the damned dolphin out with the hope he’ll return with the submerged blood plasma box.

And, so, that’s what they do. It’s the most ridiculous excuse to make the dolphin useful. Fortunately, my kids keenly spotted the same giant holes in the plot as I did so there’s hope for the future. I’m guessing they might move on to more engaging series, or be content to watch the underwater scenes of the dolphin swimming, which is really the only worthwhile part of the series.

It’s kind of scary I spent hours of my youth watching this kind of crap.