Can someone explain to me why anyone gives a flip about the Oscars? With all the things going on in the area and the world, why is the Oscars at the top of the front page? Why is all the ink wasted discussing what so-and-so wore? Where are the people who care about this?

In my mind the Academy Awards is nothing but a Hollywood circle-jerk: a bunch of overpaid bimbos and bozos patting themselves on the back, sneering “we’re more perfect than you are” at America. Its the biggest, clique-ish private club around. We peons are invited to gawk.

Sorry but I don’t get it. If Hollywood wants to congratulate itself by passing out awards among its members, that’s fine with me. I just don’t see why anyone outside of Hollywood should care. I can’t name a single person whose life will be directly affected by this show. Maybe my movie-biz friends can enlighten me.

Then again, if there’s one thing good that might come out of it, perhaps it will knock Anna Nicole Smith out of the news. Last I heard she was still dead.

Just in case you thought I’d cooled down from my rant about UnitedHealthcare, don’t think for a second I’m letting them off the hook. After reading some N&O letters to the editor on the topic, I discovered that WIlliam McGuire, United Healthcare’s recently-departed CEO, pocketed $124,000,000 in compensation last year. Now that McGuire lost his job he is broke and penniless. He was last seen rummaging through garbage cans.

Ha ha! Just kidding! Actually, he left with one of the largest ‘golden parachutes’ in corporate history: $5 million a year for life and an eye-popping $1 billion plus in stock.

This is the kind of shit I’m talking about when I talk about the healthcare industry. It is an industry, and you and I are being taken for a ride. There is an ungodly amount of greed involved. Sickening, actually (no pun intended). America could do so much better if it made affordable health care the right of every citizen. Even our screwed-up government would have a hard time squandering this kind of money.

Apparently UnitedHealthcare thinks WakeMed‘s costs are too high. WakeMed refused to buckle, so now UnitedHealthcare is ending coverage for WakeMed hospitals.

I think this is quite unfortunate, so I decided to let UHC know. After navigating through the worst voicemail gauntlet I’ve ever encountered, I got a live representative on the phone. After telling her I wanted to register a complaint about this decision, she began to correct me to say that UHC didn’t drop Wakemed, they’re just ending their contract.

“Okay,” I responded, cutting her off. “I don’t care what caused it, I want you to know I don’t like it.”

This we agreed to do. She even helpfully wrote it up in the dramatic way I presented it to her and sent it off to their complaint department.

Yeah, it takes two to tango. I don’t know what either side’s position was, but I don’t care. WakeMed took care of our family when we needed it most. No hospital in the Triangle can match WakeMed’s neonatal intensive care facility. I believe our daughter Hallie would not be with us if it wasn’t for WakeMed’s outstanding care. In my eyes WakeMed can do no wrong.

Now that I can’t go to the hospital just two miles away from my home I’ve got to consider other options. This royally sucks.

Nothing says “loser” quite like having a piece of telephone gear hanging from your ear when you’re not on the phone! I see these people everywhere with their Bluetooth headsets and/or wired earphones (“tanglephones” as my son calls them) stuck in their ears for no reason whatsoever! The only thing worse than finding one of these poor souls seemingly talking to themselves is seeing them all Borg-like and not talking to anyone! I just want to tell them, “Uh, excuse me. You’ve got something hanging from your ear.”

Here’s a tip for all of you losers: when you’re done with your call, hang up the phone! That means remove the earpiece from your ear and put it away. It just makes you look like a dork. Honestly, its the techie equivalent of walking around with your fly open.

Another day, another News and Observer attempt to whip up flu hysteria. Can you say “obsession?”

So McClatchy now owns both major newspapers in the state: Raleigh’s News and Observer and the Charlotte Observer. Now that the dust has settled on the acquisition of the Observer, I’ve been curious to see what improvements subscribers would see.

I’m still waiting. N & O readers are led to believe that the world does not exist outside the borders of Wake, Durham, and Orange counties. There is scant news from the state’s largest city, Charlotte, nor much from any other significant living area. I’d be willing to bet that Observer readers are as in the dark about Raleigh as we are of them. I just don’t understand why a newspaper company with news rooms in both cities isn’t doing a better job sharing that news.

I’ve been living in North Carolina continously since 1992 and first lived here in 1983. Since then the state has grown enormously. Among other things, its become home to megabanks, lured professional sports teams (some of which are national champions), and picked up new seats in Congress as its population swells. Yet in spite of all this supposed progress the N & O still feels like a small-town newspaper. It still does a poor job covering this great state.

The quality isn’t stunning. I found it amusing to read a wire story last week about threats to John F. Kennedy’s life during his visit to Ireland. The N & O’s headline told of threats to “JKF.” Oooookay. Today’s front-page story told of -gasp- Wake Forest University not actually being in Wake Forest! Stop the presses! Throw in the paper’s bizarre obsession with influenza pandemics and you’ve got some top-rate journalism here.

If this is what passes for journalism around here its no wonder that online news sources are eating their lunch.

I called Hertz yesterday morning like I said I would. Instead of blasting the nice and professional representative about the errant charge, I politely told her the charge was in error. She then politely removed it from my bill and apologized for the inconvenience. She was wrapping up the call when I felt obligated to ask how this might happen.

“Oh, I’m sure it was some mistake,” she said. “We’ve taken care of it.”

“Well, doesn’t it seem a bit dishonest?” I challenged. “I mean, you charged me for something that wasn’t needed.”

She repeated her apology and to her credit sounded genuinely sorry. “Sir, I can’t tell you what happened because I’m in Oklahoma City and this happened in Chicago,” she said, a little flustered.

Fair enough, I thought, and I eased up on the hammers as John Wayne used to say. I told her I wasn’t upset with her, but I did want an address where I could write a letter. She and I ended our call peacefully and politely.

I then took a few minutes to dash off a letter to Hertz. It said that, in spite of the excellent treatment by Hertz’s customer service staff, I was still disappointed in the lack of integrity shown by the fraudulent charge added to my bill. In essense, the rep’s apology wasn’t enough of an apology for my taste.

Before I could put the letter in the envelope, I got a call back from Celeste, the wonderful agent I spoke with Friday. She told me she had tried to email me but she didn’t have access to the database with the email addresses. I gave her my address and then told her she didn’t need it since the previous rep had removed the charge.

So, at this point the charge has been removed. Now I’m waiting for a response to my letter to see if I’ll ever rent from Hertz again. If only their garage staff was as friendly and genuine as their customer service staff.

I really don’t get enough spam. Please, can someone sign me up for some more lists? All my legitimate email is crowding out the ads for enlargement services, fake diplomas, and penny stocks.

Please, think of the spammers! Won’t someone stand up and protect the spammers?

The Hertz rental car company apparently tried to screw me out of a pile of money on my last trip to Chicago. The bastards. I should have known something was up when my credit card didn’t get billed promptly. Here’s the story.

I fly into Chicago’s Midway airport since I like to fly Southwest. The airport’s rental car facility is small and cramped at Midway and it usually takes a long time to either get a car or return one. I’ve had to wait forever at my usual rental car vendor, Dollar, so I thought I’d try Hertz this time. I dusted off my Hertz #1 Club Gold card and booked with Hertz. After all, any company who had O.J. Simpson as its spokesperson has to be good, right?

I landed at Chicago a bit ahead of schedule thanks to Southwest’s Outrageous Customer Service ™. Walking into the garage I was happy to see my name on Hertz’s rental board, pointing the way to my waiting Jeep Liberty. Into the car I went, hassle free. Less than two hours later I was in South Bend, Indiana for the next day’s meeting.

My meeting ended Friday a bit behind schedule. I raced back across the state line but got caught in unanticipated construction traffic. Even though I was late, I searched for the closest gas station near the airport. I stood freezing outside a Citgo in a questionable neighborhood while I filled up the thirsty Liberty. As usual, I made note of my gas purchase amount before racing into the rental return garage, though the receipt printer was not working.

I got there with precious few minutes to spare. There were returning cars everywhere! The lines were so long I barely inched my car past the automatic gate before I ran out of room. I waited there a few more minutes without anyone directing me anywhere (not that I could’ve gone anywhere, anyway). Knowing how close I was to missing my flight, I was about to put it in park when a garage attendant mumbled “I can’t let him park there” and waved me back to the Hertz end of the garage.

More precious minutes went by as I dodged hurried travelers and empty cars scattered in the traffic lanes. I was waved to a spot near the booth, where I collected my things and checked my watch again.

A Hertz woman noticed me but didn’t approach. She continued to show new renters their vehicle. More minutes went by. No one came to talk to me.

Screw it, I thought. Some “Gold” service here.

I gathered my things, left the key in the car, and booked inside to my flight, making it into the jetway after my name was called two times to board. Two other hapless travelers showed up behind me, out of breath as I was. The flight was full and still not loaded, so none of us stragglers delayed the plane, but it wasn’t a fun way to end the trip.

I assumed Hertz would send me a receipt, or I could pull one up on their website. I’m a Gold member, after all.

Days went by. Kelly began asking me to file my expense reports. I still hadn’t heard from Hertz.

Weeks went by. Still no charges. I put in a call to Hertz’s customer service center. After a long wait, a pleasant woman named Celeste answered. She took my call in the midst of the huge snowstorm that had kept most of her coworkers away. As it was 5 o’clock on a Friday I felt very lucky to have gotten her.

Celeste was puzzled why I didn’t have a receipt in the system. She agreed with me that it was very ususual. She asked me if I had filled it up before returning it and I told her I did. She put me on hold for a time or two before returning to tell me she was going to work on this some more. I should expect an answer by Monday or Tuesday, she said.

I was pleasantly surprised when I got a call back from her an hour later. “I found it,” she told me. I happily thanked her for the extra effort, giving Hertz customer service a gold star for exceeding my expectations. I anxiously awaited the emailed copy of the receipt she had promised me and then turned my thoughts to the approaching weekend.

It turns out the emailed receipt that was promised “in an hour” never arrived. I decided to do my expenses anyway and checked my credit card statement online tonight to see what my rental charge was.

It was a whopping $275.85, about $85 more than it should have been! What was I saying about Hertz again?!?

A look at my Hertz receipt (now online) showed a charge for $85.08 for gasoline! The fuckers had charged me for gas when I returned it with a full tank! Hertz better be glad no one was around to take my call a few minutes ago, because someone’s phone would’ve melted.

My next step was to call my credit card company and dispute the charge. That’s $85.08 that Hertz isn’t going to get from me. When they open tomorrow morning, they will get an earful that perhaps might singe someone’s phone if not melt it. Cold weather will be the last thing on the lucky bastard’s mind when he or she takes my call tomorrow.

I want whoever ripped me off to be fired, but of course the odds of that are slim. I anxiously await how Hertz handles this. I’ll be happy to show them the gas purchase from my credit card receipt if they choose to dispute this.

In the meantime, I want to let everyone know that HERTZ RIPPED ME OFF!!. A company that rips people off doesn’t deserve your business, either.

Now, let’s see them try to talk their way out of this . . .