Former Tonight Show host Johnny Carson passed away today after a long battle with emphysema. He was 79 years old.

Nothing was more American than the Tonight Show, when Johnny use to tuck our country in for the night. You could turn on the TV at night and know that no matter what happened earlier in the day, everything would be all right.

His comedy will live forever in American culture. He was one of my heroes. So long, Johnny.

Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees’ cheese freeze.
That’s what made these three free fleas sneeze.

It’s the birthday of my twin brother, Al. Happy birthday, Al!

I woke up to the sound of a news helicopter hovering over our house. Probably filming whatever messy accident is on Capital Boulevard, one mile away, right now. The sound worked its way into my dream, though.

I feel totally lucky to get home in only 3:15. There was not one single accident in front of me the whole way. If there was, I’d have been pushed back another hour or more.

Before leaving work I weighed my options. Do I take the main roads, which were bound to be in better shape? Or, do I take the backroads, which were surely icier but free of traffic (and thus idiots)? I decided to take my chances with the backroads, putting more faith in my driving abilities than the city’s salting abilities. Turns out it was the right call.

The most unbelievable thing I saw as I sledded through some Raleigh neighborhoods was the people leaving their homes. I stared in disbelief as totally clueless people backed up their icy driveways and into the traffic stalled in front of their homes. Are people really this dumb?

Looking out the window of my home, I see a lot of the cars that usually line my street are not there. Lights in homes that are usually on are not on. I really hope that people made it home last night. Spending the night in school, or with your car in a ditch, would be brutal.

As I drove under the railroad trestle near the intersection of Hillsborough Street and Western Boulevard, I saw something that make me do a double-take. A big yellow Union Pacific locomotive was hauling freight right above me!

It took me a few minutes to conclude I wasn’t dreaming. You don’t expect to see Western railroad locomotives here in the East.

I got back home in one piece tonight, no thanks to our surprise snow and ice. Every single foot of road I traveled was covered in black ice. All of it. I went down hills that should have sent me screaming. I chugged up hills that had SUVs turning around left and right. I watched a lot of brake lights, but I made it. And that’s what counts.

To get here, I took Jones Franklin to Hillsborough to Faircloth to Wade Avenue. Wade moved pretty smoothly until I got to Capital, which was brakelight-city. I doubled back to Peace and then Glenwood, and headed north from there. Then I got on Anderson Drive, which became another parking lot, so I jumped onto a very dangerous White Oak Road to get me to Lassiter Mill. That worked out okay, and I soon found myself at the Six Forks intersection.

Crossing over the Beltline near the mall, I glanced down at the parking lot below me. There were wrecker lights blazing and stopped traffic. I was glad to be above the fray. I was 90 minutes into my adventure, but it was far from over.

I made my way through the North Hills subdivision, which was the scariest stretch by far. Dartmouth is very hilly to begin with, with lousy sightlines. Every hill was solid black ice. As I paused at the top of one hill, the car ahead tucked itself to the side, wanting a front-row seat to my certain doom. With parked cars on either side of me, I gripped the steering wheel, pumped the brakes, and essentially sledded through there with my breath held. Fortunately, I came through just fine.

Dartmouth led me to Hardimont, and then eventually to Pacific Avenue and Old Wake Forest Road, but not before crossing Falls of the Neuse, which was at a total standstill. Traffic was stopped on Old Wake Forest, so I took a moment to check in with Kelly. After twenty minutes of going nowhere, I did a U-turn back to North Market Drive and on back to New Hope Church Road, with the goal of taking Atlantic north.

New Hope and Atlantic had a cop directing traffic, so things went smoothly there. Behind me was an accident in front of Wal-Mart. Folks were wiping out everywhere.

Ah, Atlantic, part of my normal commute. Once on Atlantic, I moved along just long enough to make me believe I was home free. I was wrong, though, and stopped for 20 minutes in one place. Finally, things kicked into gear and I was going a whopping 20 miles per hour by the time I crossed Spring Forest.

Then traffic stopped again. A high slope on Atlantic was covered in ice and cars were taking no chances. I inched along at 2 MPH until reaching the top of the hill. Unlike the other drivers, I waited until the guy in front of me was safely out of the way. Then I eased down the hill with no trouble at all.

Atlantic turned into Litchford. I watched the van in front of me try to stop for the light at Harps Mill. He skidded into the right curb, smacking his front tire pretty hard into the concrete. No real damage to him, but I got even more careful at that point.

Up Litchford and into Durant Trails, my usual shortcut. My usual route on Hiking trail looked too treacherous, so I took a left onto Cub. Cub is a short hill down followed by a long straight hill up. Cars in front of me were turning around and coming back my way, but I had momentum. I chugged right past the SUVs and successfully make it to Durant. Whew!

I was thinking I was home free, but traffic for Capital backed up on Durant, blocking my neighborhood. I called Kelly when I was 100 yards away from the entrance and moving like a snail.

Down another slick hill before making a left turn onto Leslishire. By the time I got to Hobhouse, I was breathing easier again, though you can be damn sure I was extra careful coming up those steps and into the house!

Total time: three hours, fifteen minutes. I can’t complain, though, considering my coworker spent five hours, thirty minutes driving home.

Now its time for dinner, a drink, and hopefully sleep. Tomorrow I work from home!

If you’re leaving work early because you’re worried that the roads will be undriveable, you’ll only join the other idiots leaving work early and making the roads undriveable. Stay off the roads until they have been salted and sanded, m’kay? Otherwise, you’re part of the problem.

This public service announcement has been brought to you by MT.Net. We now rejoin our regularly scheduled nonsense, already in progress.

I saw the Right Turn Clydes at the Six String Cafe last night. It was open mic night and the Clydes were the performers to beat. Bad jokes and tuning aside, they put on a good show. If the Guinness was a bit cheaper, it’d have been a perfect night.

Clydes fiddle player Larry “Cornwhiskey” Karnowski put some Clydes mp3s on his blog. Give ’em a spin.

The USS San Francisco plowed into an underwater mountain the other day. She went from flank speed (over 30 knots) to 4 knots instantaneously. One sailor was killed and over thirty injured.

I got an unclassified sitrep from a mailing list I’m on. It conveys some of the drama involved. That this boat came back to port is a testament to the quality of our fleet.

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Sent: Mon Jan 10 02:17:01 2005
Subject: USS SAN FRANCISCO SITREP -2100W/9 Jan 05

Fellow Flag Officers this is my second unclas update on the SAN FRANCISCO incident for your situational awareness:

At 10 January 1634 local (100134 EST) the USS SAN FRANCISCO returned safely to Apra Harbor, Guam. The ship moored with her own line handlers in a normal submarine configured mooring (AFT draft is 27′-10” (normal AFT draft is 32′) and FWD Draft is above the draft marks with the waterline at the point the towed array faring begins; 0.8 degree STBD list and 1 degree Down bubble indicating by naval architecture calculations that 1 A/B and
2A/B MBTs are most likely flooded). The severely injured Machinist Mate
(Engineroom Upper Level Watch at time of grounding) was evacuated immediately and transferred by ambulance to Naval Hospital Guam where a fully staffed medical team was standing by. He is conscious and in stable condition. Approximately fifteen additional injured personnel requiring medical care subsequently departed the ship and were transported to the hospital after taking a moment to meet with family members.

Crewmembers from the USS CORPUS CHRISTI, HOUSTON and FRANK CABLE assisted in linehandling and various return to port evolutions such as propulsion plant shutdown, shorepower cables, and rig for surface. Standing by on the pier was a full complement of watchstanders from USS CITY OF CORPUS CHRISTI (and SAN FRANCISCO stay-behinds) to satisfy all watchstanding requirements for reactor plant shutdown with follow-on inport forward and aft watchsections.

Following the grounding on 8 January, the ship transited on the surface at
8kts with surface escort, USCGC GALVESTON ISLAND to Apra Harbor, Guam. Due to deteriorated weather conditions on the evening of 9 January, the Commanding Officer shifted bridge watchstations to control and shut bridge access hatches to maximize watertight integrity in light of reserve buoyancy concerns. The ship maintained stability throughout the surface transit with continuous operation of the Low Pressure Blower on the Forward Main Ballast Tanks. SAN FRANCISCO has experienced no reactor plant, propulsion train or electrical system degradations as a result of the grounding. The Commanding Officer shifted the Officer of the Deck’s watch to the bridge on 10 January in preparation for piloting into Apra Harbor.

The critically injured Machinist Mate (Auxiliaryman) passed away yesterday afternoon as a result of his injuries. The MM2 was in Aft Main Seawater Bay at the time of the grounding and his body was thrown forward approximately
20 feet into Propulsion Lube Oil Bay. He suffered a severe blow to his forehead and never regained consciousness.

Emergency medical personnel, including a Naval Hospital Guam surgeon, Undersea Medical Officer and Independent Duty Corpsmen, arrived on the ship via helicopter transfer to provide immediate medical care and prepare the crewmember for medical evacuation on the morning of 9 January. Unfortunately, the sailor’s condition deteriorated and he died onboard while under the care of the embarked physicians. Just moments prior to the sailors death, I spoke with the Sailor’s father in preparation for their pending travel from Ohio to the West Pacific to see their Son. Since then I have passed on to his Dad my condolences on their Son’s death and reassured them their Son’s remains would be treated with utmost respect and dignity. His father expressed great gratitude for the extraordinary efforts made by the Navy to save his Son’s life. He told me his Son loved the Navy, having just reenlisting earlier this year and wanted to make it a career. That when he called home he always talked about the many friendships and the wonderful camaraderie the crew of SFO exhibited. Prior to sailing, he was really excited about the pending ship visit to Australia. The parents are considering traveling to Guam, with Navy support, at some point to meet the crew and partake in a memorial service for his Son.

For the remainder of the transit, the embarked medical trauma team administered medical care to the other injured personnel. Their careful attention and evaluation augments the ship’s Independent Duty Corpsman’s heroic efforts since the grounding.

Submarine Squadron Fifteen COMMODORE, Captain Brad Gerhke and Captain Paul Bushong, Commanding Officer of the Submarine Tender USS FRANK CABLE have mobilized their assets, staffs, crews and local Navy Community to provide comprehensive support to the SAN FRANCISCO. Professional counselors, medical personnel and Navy Chaplains are scheduled to meet with the entire crew to provide grief counseling and assistance throughout the next several days and as required over the long term. Brad has been meeting frequently with the SFO families and they are doing remarkable well. The entire Navy community in Guam has come to the SFO’s families’ assistance. I have talked to Kevin Mooney’s (SFO Skipper) wife, Ariel. Her state of mind is positive and resolute, with a courageous and upbeat view of the trying days ahead.

The ship’s Main Ballast Tank damage and deformation has degraded maneuverability and mandated the use of two tugs to moor in Apra Harbor. A Pearl Harbor Naval Shipyard/NAVSEA Material Assessment Team comprised of a structural engineer, MBT vent expert, air systems expert and naval architect arrived in Guam with special ship salvage and recovery equipment to stabilize the ship pierside as soon as possible. The team, led by Captain Charles Doty, commenced a seaworthiness and repair assessment upon the ship’s arrival. Once additional buoyancy measures are in place and tested satisfactory, the Low Pressure Blower will be secured to allow divers to enter the water to conduct an inspection.

While this grounding is a tragedy, with a through investigation led by Cecil Haney, we will find out all the facts and then ensure we learn from the mistakes. But, I too believe we have much to be thankful for today, and much to be confident in. An operational warship has returned to port on her own power with all but one of its crew after sustaining major hull damage. The survival of the ship after such an incredibly hard grounding
(nearly instantaneous deacceleration from Flank Speed to 4 KTS) is a credit to the ship design engineers and our day-to-day engineering and watchstanding practices. The continuous operation of the propulsion plant, electrical systems and navigation demonstrates the reliability of our equipment and the operational readiness of our crews as a whole. The impressive Joint and Navy team effort which resulted in SFO returning to port safely says volumes about the ingenuity and resourcefulness of all our armed services. For all who participated in this effort, thank you and your people. We are all eternally grateful to each of you.

Very Respectfully

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Here’s a bonus link with other accounts. And another.